Troll is a language.


 People will bristle at this concept.  I am a linguistic philosopher so you can take my word for it or not but history will prove me correct.  Troll is becoming the lingua-franca of comedy, if it isn’t already.

I have studied troll behavior ever since Myspace had group and philosophy functions.  On Facebook I became such a successful troll, even though that wasn’t my intent, people crowned me the king of Fight Club.  A group in which all of the old school trolls from Myspace came together to troll each other.  I was more interested in positive, rational, mutually beneficial relationships on the internet but at the time, especially with the people I was associated with, that wasn’t an option.  I didn’t start out trolling, it became necessary to defend myself as it appeared everyone was a troll and was always trolling.

Years before, when I lived in Seattle Washington, I had been a stand up comedian, so I started using those skills to troll people.  I would also use debate, which I became quite good at.  I eventually could beat almost anybody in trolling or debate, some people would pop and lock between trolling and being rational looking for any sense of victory.  On Facebook I trolled entire groups of trolls off the internet and developed a technique and even a psychology for doing so.  You can view some of my handy work here (

Several years ago I observed as the comedians on the television, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Bill Maher started using troll humor, this was very disconcerting as they were also using jokes I had written years before.  One joke Bill Maher used that I had written on Myspace was, “My dick is 8 inches long if I start measuring from my b-hole.”  You would understand how this joke could get to him if you understood the nature of trolling, people are acquisitively mimetic, which is to say the copy behaviors they see being rewarded or if they see something that looks awesome they will repeat it because they believe it increases their perceived value.

I decided that since I was such a successful troll I would get back into stand up comedy.  I went to a comedy dinner theater in Tustin and observed several comedians.  None of them ever found the room.  They were all telling troll jokes poorly, making constant references to the internet, social networking sites, and devices.  It was beyond lame.  I went to several open mike nights and performed I was relatively well received by the audience.  I went to the best open mike forums and pretty much killed it at one of them I got a standing ovation, clients were chanting Wolfe! Wolfe! Wolfe!  and then they started Howling.

 My comedy is transgressively sacral which is to say, calculated to be offensive, I believe that comedians have a responsibility to defend freedom of speech and to get people to loosen up about their issues.  This generation of comedians is terrible.  They have thrown the standard into the muck and mire in worship of the false idol of political correctness.  While I get along with audiences other comedians hate me, I am not typical, I am not fat, ugly, insecure, or any of the things most comedians are, because of this they hate me.  Comedians are cliquish and petty, they feel that awesomeness is a finite resource and if one is being too awesome or they feel they can’t compete they turn to their clicks and gang up on you.  This is what had always happened to me.


I returned to trolling with a vengeance.  If I couldn’t express myself on the stage, I would use my trolling skill and turn my jokes into photoshops with time stamps.  I would get to the punchline first.  This was my troll the world strategy.  I realized on Facebook that I was wasting my talent trolling trolls, I should be going after bigger game.  The thing was people weren’t afraid that I would fail, they were afraid I would succeed, which is why they not only didn’t give me a chance they antagonized me, undermined me, lied about me, and ganged up on me.  I could handle that but it wasn’t worth the little that I got from being in clubs.  I didn’t troll people just because I didn’t like them I trolled them because they were doing something reprehensible or poorly motivated, I trolled psychopaths, and I had an uncanny ability to spot them.  Psychopaths have a certain Modus operandi.

Trolling is a language that has a hierarchy, and one communicates through, not only strategic communication but also through strategic behavior.


  1. Debate troll, the highest form of troll establishes moral and sapiential dominance over his competitor.  This troll can beat you in a rational debate.
  2. Butthurt troll, the butthurt troll can say the worst possible thing and the worst possible time.  He will have some people Rolling on the Floor Lauging their Asses off.  While other people sit their whining that he did something mean or immoral.
  3. The Photoshop troll makes humorous to offensive photoshops using your image or images that you resonate with and project your sense of self onto, he makes fun of your issues.
  4. Snark and Sarcasm, the beta troll is passive aggressive, not being able to actually establish dominance but is just annoying and emotionally abusive, they don’t teach you anything, they just waist your time and communicate negative emotional data.
  5. Histrionic trolls type in all caps, and use repeated question marks and exclamation points (???) (!!!)
  6. Lurker, the lurker is a creeper troll that looks at all of your information and possibly steals your photo or gets information on you to use against you.  Lurkers have different levels of skill.
  7. Report Fa6, the lowest form of troll is the Report Fa6, they can’t do any kind of trolling well, and are in a constant state of butthurt feeling attacked and offended by everyone else’s awesomeness, so they just report everything you do and say until your account gets deleted.  This is the lowest form of troll because they hate freedom of speech.  Bryan Khemraj Shastri Carpen is the Worst of the Worst of Report Fa6s, he doesn’t just report you with his main profile, he makes multiple sock accounts and reports you from all of them.  He stays in groups where nobody likes him and reports everybody that comes after him.  After the Trollocaust in Fight Club I stopped going on FB because it had become a meritocracy of Butthurt and report fa66otry.  The mistake most new fa6z make is they say essentially this HA HA HA HA!!!!  I AM LAUGHING AT YOU, YOU ARE SO STUPID.  But a genuinely skilled troll will make everybody else laugh at you.  I was getting 40 – 50 likes instantly on my photoshops.  Carpen reported so frequently that facebook didn’t just delete my photoshops they deleted my profile and the profiles of anybody that had clicked like.  To this day the lamer Carpen still hangs out in Fight Club claiming to be the new king.  Everybody else pretty much left the group and he claimed that it was because he wasn’t posting that much in their anymore.  But nobody wants to interact with a known butthurt, report fa6.  (



3 thoughts on “Troll is a language.”

  1. 🙂
    You did fairly good on your structures within your sentences, but use more effort to use imagery and details.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s