Characterizing you falsely to yourself.

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This is a form of emotional abuse that I have seen parents, psychopaths, Dawkinites, and groups of people use.  It is usually reified by more than one person working together.  It is not treating a person based on what they have earned or are.  It means relating to the person strategically to communicate to them that they are something they aren’t, like a monster or a freak.  I know from personal experience that this can lead to dysmorphic disorders where a person doesn’t see themselves as they are.  Which is not to say that all dysmorphia is caused by emotional abuse but could be caused by emotional abuse.  For example anorexia, and bigorexia, and facial dysmorphia.  In Michael Jackson’s case his facial dysmorphia was caused by being ridiculed by his father about his acne and perhaps other things about his face as a way of making him feel less valuable and gaining leverage in the relationship.  It was a way of decreasing his self esteem for the purpose of forcing his compliance.  

My parents thought I was arrogant, not because I was bad at stuff but because I was good at everything.  So my parents withheld praise from me strategically so that I wouldn’t get big headed, which presupposed that I would get big headed if they praised me for things I did well.  What it did instead was destroy my self esteem and cause me to have a complex where I was constantly competing with myself, trying to be the best at what I was good at in order to be appreciated or even acknowledged, the funny thing was that once I got into the world I got more of the same reaction from people in general which deepened my complex.

My father once told me, “you do everything well, everything is easy for you, we didn’t want your sister to feel bad.”  Now this is the interesting part, my parents ignored, neglected, and sabotaged me, while investing in my sister who failed at everything.  Instead of rewarding success and the behaviors they wanted to see more of, they rewarded failure, and coddled her issues.  She realized that she was being rewarded for failing so she had no incentive to succeed.  Furthermore, she despised me and was manipulating my parents to attack me in a way, out of sensitivity for her feelings of inadequacy, instead of encouraging her to become a person that she liked and respected.

I never felt successful, or talented, or good looking around my family, or really around anybody anymore.  People still try to manipulate my self image in order to control me, or manipulate me, which is why I have become hyper vigilant with my relationships, I like to keep people distant, unemotional, and rational.

To this day people try to act unimpressed with my philosophy or they try to bullshit me and act like they are as smart or smarter than me, I was recently accused of plagiarizing myself and not being smart enough to understand myself.  Now, in a way, I feed off negative attention, terrifying people by proving to them that I am as good as I think I am and that I don’t overestimate myself, which instead of making people like me makes them like me even less, furthering my issues, because I want an honest reaction from the beginning and if I detect any strategery, it stimulates my refractory state and I become sadistic.

Body dysmorphic disorder

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD, also known as body dysmorphiadysmorphic syndrome; originallydysmorphophobia) is a chronic mental illness, wherein the afflicted individual is concerned with body image, manifested as excessive concern about and preoccupation with a perceived defect of their physical appearance. An individual with BDD has perpetual negative thoughts about their appearance; in the majority of cases, an individual suffering from BDD is obsessed with a minor or imagined flaw.[1] Afflicted individuals think they have a defect in either one or several features of their body, which causes psychological and clinically significant distress or impairs occupational or social functioning. BDD often co-occurs with depressionanxiety, social withdrawal, and social isolation.[2]

The causes of body dysmorphic disorder vary for each person, but are usually a combination of biologicalpsychological, and environmental factors. It may occur in children and adults.[3] The symptoms of body dysmorphia may include feelings of depression, social phobia, and obsessive compulsive behaviors.[citation needed]

BDD is linked to a diminished quality of life, can be co-morbid with major depressive disorder and social phobia (chronic social anxiety) and can be associated with suicidal ideation.[1] BDD can be treated with either psychotherapy or psychiatric medication.[4] Although originally a mental-illness diagnosis usually applied to women, body dysmorphic disorder also occurs equally in men.[5] Approximately one percent of adults meet the diagnostic criteria for body dysmorphic disorder.[1]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

 

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18 thoughts on “Characterizing you falsely to yourself.”

  1. I understand why you do the things you do, part of coming into your own is learning to let go of what they’ve done and what they put in your mind. You’re parents were damaged, long before you came along and while I wish human beings did not carry forward certain things, they do. I don’t find it excusable, however, I have personally found solace in the true fact, that it was nothing I’d done.

    You’re a handsome, intelligent young man. I hope you’re still doing introspection and I hope it’s with a support system. (that’s very hard, I know)

    1. I don’t have much of a support system, people don’t understand me and they don’t want to. Nobody listens to me with few exceptions and the people that do admit they don’t understand what I am saying. I just need quiet, to think and read and not hear stupid people say stupid incorrect things and expect my participation.

      1. You don’t have to participate in things you don’t want to, that’s certainly your choice.

        I don’t understand some things you say myself, (religious things, it’s not my forte) I’m not sure what you’re referencing so I can’t really comment as to that.

        Do you, know what kind of support you would like?

      2. I want people to be rational and debate rationally an honestly, I want people to participate with me in my philosophy, psychology, and theater, I want people to appreciate my comedy. I am just too far ahead of my time.

      3. I’m not sure what you feel is a lack of honesty. If you’re saying you feel you’d like people to think like you, that’s very difficult because we all don’t think alike.

        Every now and then I find that if I modify what I’m saying, to assist others to understand what I mean, sometimes it works out for everyone.

        In modifying, I’m not saying change who you are or your thoughts, more along the lines of how others may understand it better.

      4. I wish I could say something about this, however, not being involved in any conversation, in order to see what you mean by a conversation you may have had, where you felt you were responded to in this way. It’s difficult to offer any thoughts.

        It literally depends on the topic, who you’re talking to, their communication skills, their life experiences, knowledge as to topic, (lots of variables)

        I believe, most are doing the best they can overall. For myself, I try to acknowledge the idea of this and move forward from there. If you’ve noticed (again, based on topic) some say things, not thinking it through thoroughly which causes a problem of course.

        I don’t want to make any blanket statement here w/o details. That would be wrong.

  2. I’d like to reframe some of the things you’ve said here. Perhaps, you may find it soothing and sadistic would lesson for you. The reason I say this is you have some contradictions, which do not serve you. We cannot see these contradictions for ourselves sometimes.

    With practice we can, it does take practice though, to redirect your thoughts, so we feel better. Almost like… how you feel when you’re around dogs or animals. You feel good, so you can create that for yourself, to alleviate the other feelings, if you unhook from how you are viewing certain things in the here and now, which are triggering your past and bringing them up to the surface. Does this make sense?

    As for intelligence, I didn’t go to college. I’m a paralegal because I kept going on interviews to be one and here I am, being all paralegal n’stuff. 🙂 I’ve read up like you have as to psychology courses, sometimes based on how “some” speak to me, it triggers the idea that I’m not smart. I don’t attempt to prove it to them. I let the feeling pass and learn what I don’t know, OR I let the feeling pass (because that’s an old fear, put there by someone else) and then say what I know.

    People contradicting or disagreeing with you/me/anyone, isn’t indicative of anyone’s intelligence, that’s normal. That’s what people do with new information.

    It seems like, that’s an old reaction based on when you were a child wherein you weren’t acknowledged for your intelligence and perhaps when people say and/or do things today. What do you think?

    1. OOPS, correction to last thought.

      “It seems like, that’s an old reaction based on when you were a child wherein you weren’t acknowledged for your intelligence and perhaps when people say and/or do things today it triggers that, the pattern is recreated as you’ve mentioned, due your old experiences, compounded by some of the thing you’ve written which people may disagree with, so it feels worse and builds up. What do you think?”

    2. It isn’t an old reaction, it is a new reaction, I never fought back when I was young and now I regret it. The harder I fight, the better I feel. The world sucks because rational correct people are expected to be the “bigger man” and back down from crazy, greedy, insane people.

      1. I couldn’t fight back when I was younger either, I was too small. I’m bigger now and I have learned how to fight the things I hate, better. I’m still afraid sometimes, to be honest. I do it anyway.

        What you didn’t know about me, was when I was small, my brother and sister used to get horrifically bad beatings. I felt helpless and I promised myself when I was about 6/7 that when I was “BIG” I wouldn’t allow that behavior. I’ve been fighting ever since. So… our (me and you) experiences are different, the out come, seems the same. You know, standing up for what we believe.

        We do not have to back down from those types of people, I don’t. I take them on, as much as I can anyway. I’ve been writing about my law firm experiences and dealing with narcissists for the past 25 years. It’s on my about me page (if you’d like to see, you don’t have to) in separate links.

        We can be the bigger man and still come from a place of integrity, which is important to you and myself as well.

        Yeah, I know. I see a lot of bad, all the time. It’s disheartening. I temper that with the good people I know who may not think “exactly like me” however we understand one another and have respect for one another’s thoughts, go back and forth. Like… we are, right now in a way. 🙂

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