I can’t win, If you see a pretty woman with an ugly guy you assume she might be in charge, if she is smarter she is probably in charge, if she has more money she is in charge, if he is chasing her she is in charge, now reverse all of those things and turn them around to my relationship with LLL and I was STILL not the boss. What do I have to do to be the main character in my own life? To take the lead in my own relationships?
if you see a man and a woman in relationship you assume that he is chasing after her, that he is pursuing her, that is a normative bias?. You think to yourself, “women have vaginas, that woman obviously has a vagina, that man wants her vagina.” It frames a certain flow in the relationship but what if that is not the case? I don’t chase women. I expect the women to have good taste and know what she wants. I expect the woman to take responsibility for her desires instead of blaming me.
LLL was no spring chicken, she was 27 but she had 4 kids from 3 different fathers taken away from her by the government. I was better looking, smarter, I am gainfully employed, she works under the table and is on food stamps. It seems obvious to me that if she leads in the relationship we will only be able to get her results. That is not acceptable to me, and that is what kept happening, she wasn’t capable of getting any other result. I created the phrase “Equality Under Reason” as a way of summing up the relationship that I teach. Which means that you are equal in the relationship, but you do things the way that creates the most value for the most people in your relationship. Win Win interactions. These are the key to success.
I was constantly amazed in all of my past relationships how the irrational, stupid person in the relationship was always able to thwart all of the good done by the rational and smart person in the relationship. That is exactly what I am trying to avoid. The irrational person on some level plans to undo all that the other person did, and that is what started happening. There are so many illegitimate strategies that cause failure in relationship. We do it your way this time, and then next time we do it my way. No, we do it the right way, and then we evaluate how things turned out and we improve and grow.
I think I am going to deconstruct certain patterns and behaviors that I observed in the relationship, that are congruent with my theories. I am going to chunk it because i get so pissed off that these patterns keep repeating, and they repeat because of psychopaths, and psychopaths don’t reform they just become more manipulative. As long as we are letting the psychopaths be psychopaths and not forcing them to change they will continue fucking everything up for everybody.
- Psychopath Envy (psykolinguist.wordpress.com)
- Would you recognize an office psychopath? (mydoorsign.com)
- The Psychopath’s Relationship Cycle: Idealize, Devalue and Discard (rebuildinglove.wordpress.com)
- Why does it take so much time to heal after being with a Narcissist or Psychopath? (battybeth108.wordpress.com)